I don’t know what I want.

I hate myself. I’m psychologically incapable of anything. I can never keep a relationship because of my stupid ass fears. I’m scared. I just…I love him so fucking much. More than my own life but I don’t know what to do. I want to be with him but I feel he should do better and that I’m not the one he needs. I keep telling him I’m leaving but I run right back to him because I just can’t leave him. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t leave. I want him happy. That’s all and I keep hurting him and messing with him like I’m some stupid child. If I wasn’t depressed and suicidal and mentally unstable from my past, then it would be easier. I always tell the ones I love that I’m going to screw everything up and I did…For good.